If I Could..

If I could.. I would gladly kick Room 206's tenant in the stomach, step on his head a few times, dunk his head in a toilet bowl and then force a toilet brush into his mouth.

Requiem For a Dream

It means the death of a dream.

Some days I get really depressed and confused. Some days I wake up really sad, because sometimes I don't see where my life is going. I never dreamt to be an engineer.

I always thought you could force yourself through anything, and I still believe it. Sometimes I regret not chasing my dreams, just to see what would have happened if I did, sometimes I'm glad I did this. I always felt like I'm where I am because I'm destined to be here.

Requiem for this dream.

Cheers for anyone who had the courage and chance to pursue their dream.

The Ugly Side of People

People use me, lie to me and then think I don't realise what they are doing.

People are strange, they can preach you on the smallest thing and commit the foulest sins the next minute. They preach about integrity then backstab their friends the next day. They say they'll never be that way or like that person, a few years later you see them compromising their beliefs and being 'that way'.

They secretly rejoice at other people's misery and misfortune, closest kins included. They can't wait to point out and bitch about other people's mistakes so that they can somehow feel better about themselves.

They prep you up with small talks and trying to make you feel like they actually care how you are doing when all they really want is a favour. After they get what they want, they make their exits ungracefully, just as how they had made their entrance.

They mistake politeness for stupidity and they think they can walk all over you just because you had been nice to them. People use people all the time, and they don't even realise it most of the time. They think I'm always going to be there for them, just because I have always been there when they needed me.

They tell you how to live your life or how to think. They advise you to be more optimistic without ever bothering to find out what's really going on in your life. They just always assumed there's something you somehow missed and they see it, they feel it's their obligation to point it out to you.

People are selfish creatures who solely think of themselves. You're probably thinking how could I be right, no one ever thinks of themselves only. But think of why you care for your family, your partner or your friends. Doesn't the reason revolve around YOU? People are chickenshit, they couldn't bear the thought of being alone or having no one, they'd kill themselves at the mere thought of it. They act all noble thinking that they care for someone else, when all along they're thinking of what they are getting in return. And if you still disagree, think about how many people can actually feel comfortable eating alone in public. Yeah, most people would rather eat with a bunch of people they don't like than eat alone.

And if you felt angry with anything that I had written, you had probably used me, lied to me and thought you got away with it.

Aizam Matsaman

The last thing I heard about my cat* was that he had traded 'Whiskers' for roti canai,bihun and pau kacang merah. He refuses to eat any sort of cat food now. Apparently if anyone refuses to give him 'real food', he'll throw a tantrum by tipping the dustbin and eating its contents. I believe my sister refused once while she was on the phone, and he acted all hurt and pretended to leave through the door. As soon as my sister turned her back on him, he quickly ran and tipped the bin.

He had also taken up a new hobby : digging my mother's and the neighbours' expensive flowerpots, shitting in them and covering it up. Poor attempts at covering it up too. My neighbours have been throwing my mother dirty looks, as if to say 'I know about your cat', which resulted in my mother wailing "I'm so embarassed.They know, they know," and begging to throw him out everytime I call her.

He only comes home for dinner now, howling till he gets his food. My mother and sister says he has probably had all the female felines in the neighbourhood and probably fathered at least a dozen kittens. He gets his paws dirty and jumps on my father's black car, leaving footprints all over it. It gives my parents hysterical fits. My mother tells me my father has become a laughingstock because all his colleagues noticed the footprints.

*Adopted in August 2004 from my college because he was involved in a hit and run accident (a warden accidently ran her car over him), Aizam Matsaman is named after the Akademi Fantasia star Adam. However, rest assured none of my family members are fans of Adam, the name was intended to be a joke. Before that he had lived in some sort of power supply box, causing him to walk backwards and act timid towards human. But as you can see, that all has changed.

My Retarded Floormates

I think my floormates are retarded. They say 'hi' everytime we pass, so if I meet them as I'm going to pee, shower and cook, I have to go through that stupid "Hi, how are you/What have you been up to?" routine at least 17 times a day. As if there are so many variations to answer the question "How are you?". I think they should cut that stupid crap since I know they bitch about me all the time.

Just the other day this guy was trying to give me a hint that it was my week to do the cleaning. He was talking on and on about how he had done his chores. It actually took me 2 days to figure out where he was getting at. Well wouldn't it be easier to just remind me, since I never knew the schedule in the first place. Then after I did the cleaning they start raving about how clean everything was and started thanking me like I was a maid who had done a good job. I assume this is because they do an half-ass job at cleaning.

Why should what I eat become such an issue? Why should it surprise them that I eat chicken twice a day, or that cooking anchovies tend to smell? It's fish. After an idiot told me that my anchovies stank (and I always leave the windows open so that the kitchen doesn't stink afterwards), I purposely cooked shrimp paste just to annoy him because his room was across the kitchen. He was a fine one to talk about respect and tolerance, and insulted my food straight away after his speech. How would he have reacted if I told him his cheese reeked, or that his habit of leaving his dirty dishes at the side of the sink to accumulate really displayed his tolerance.

As if that wasn't enough, he tried to hint to me that my going to the toilet and kitchen was annoying because he needed his 'peace'. What am I supposed to do when nature calls? Pee in the sink? I would have bought one of those squeaky shoes and roam in the halls just to piss him off, but I had better things to do. I supposed he and the rest think they can intimidate me just because I'm just supposed to be some meek, clueless foreigner. I might not be able to fight back with words, but let it be known that I don't take bullying lying down. I'm just too old to tolerate this high school bullying crap.